its amazing, its painful, its short, its long, its harsh, its manageable, it comes, it goes, it rises it falls….its my life…must I go on?

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when it gets rough….it gets rough…ugh

Good times

Been feeling a little better, thnx God for that!

 

How Sweet!

How sweet can it be
The word I used to describe my mood was happy
From time to time of course I get down
But of course that will happen as long as the devil is around
I’ve took my time I paid my dues
Look what God has done, took the time to rescue
What more can happen? What more can I take?
I’m glad some happiness came to give me a break
Yes I have fallen and yes I have cried
And yes as time moved I wish I had died
But today that has changed and I feel brand new
Just touch my soul Lord and let me know what to do
Now this feeling may not last
And my heart knows the cue
This may not be perfect but it’s what I have now
And at God’s feet I will take a bow
Remember my smile hope you see it again
Because every time I smile I remember God is more than my friend

-Teragurl

Tomorrow

I take a look and I hate what I see

Look what this disease has done to me

If you look at my body you can see

but if you judge my personality your heart will belong to me

They say they don’t understand, why I do this to myself

In the end who can I trust to help

I tried the suggestions, I have taken the meds

All I want is the right direction for my heart to be led

Come with your love and I still give up

If you don’t believe me I will show you my luck

But is it luck or just God’s will

Its like the pain is poured in a cup and it just over fills

Be gentle with my soul it can’t take too much more

And lets not be surprised at all the pain I have stored

Its hard to forget my past because it was so intense

They all tried to help me but the whole time I was on rinse

I have been scared, I have been unsure

Yet I come every week and my stories always roar

Cant I be boring, have nothing to share

But thats not the girl that is standing here

Get it together and stand on your feet

Put your back straight and get rid of the weak

I will see you tomorrow and I pray the pain is gone

But how long can I go on like this, when everyday I wake a new pain is born

I don’t want to give up yet my soul is tired

How can I change the way this pain is wired

Pray for me and I will do the same for you

Never say the phrase “I am through”

If you can’t fight for yourself, pick someone close

They will be relieved and try to do the most

We must take the first step for ourselves then the rest will follow

Just pray, fight and love, and always keep the faith for a new beginning tomorrow.

-Teragurl

Leave me

When the times get rough and the strength gets low

Its like my brain doesn’t know where to go

The pain defines and the paths loses its lines

I feel so lost and pray to God

Then I fear he doesn’t hear me, give me something even if its just a head nod

I cried yesterday, this morning too and those tears were useless and I still can’t do what I need to do

I know my goals and they are solid in place

but I can’t get them reached, my motivation is not enough

Have I suffered enough or is there still more to come

I look down at my feet and tell them its time to run

But they do not listen and I stand in the same spot

And I notice that if I don’t change I will stand here and rot

They tell me I’m important and everyone will be sad if I go

Yet sometimes that doesn’t matter and the thoughts are anything but slow

They race in my head and they don’t let me breathe

The pain hurts my heart and just continues to squeeze

Let me go, give me a break, better yet just get up and leave

This note is for God and I hope he will see

Let life be kind so I can peacefully live

Pain will come

 

Oh the pain will come and that’s for sure

How you deal with it will help with the cure

I told her I was sad and she talked to me

She told me I was special and asked why didn’t I see

I questioned God and felt bad for that

I went to her side and she gave my head a pat

Oh yes the pain will come, make sure you go to your knees

It takes a lot of prayer and use the word please

Try to keep your head up and keep the focus straight

Love yourself and keep the heart straight

I’m in my head and that’s not good

Oh yes the pain will come in a way i never thought it would

How can I tell them i’m suffering when they think I’m strong

I can’t give them the truth because in some ways the truth is wrong

The pain will come

Dear God please stop it

Even through the tears I can spot it

I pray for peace I pray for love

I hope that the peace will be sent down from above

But just remember darling , the pain will come whether you want it to or not

Tough Times

tough times will come and that’s a fact

yet the answer is how we live how we react

patience lingers then completely disappears

because we all want satisfaction so how can we get it, my dear

the cold water froze my heart then death lit a match

so all around me is pain hurt n anger all in a wrap

come close to my soul and make it brand new

because all these actions will only take me back to pain, misery n frustration just to name a few

can i forgive myself when i hurt so much

i do it to myself and make damaging decisions because time is in a crunch

i tested my luck and guess what it failed

i can’t even begin to state all it entails

i can try to forgive me but this thing won’t quit

i say i won’t do it again but that’s a load of shit

maintaining sanity is close to impossible

i wear the mask around others but that’s not reliable

“what’s wrong shatera? you’re not laughing today”

that’s because i feel like trash wish i lived a better way but i don’t say that i smile and reassure, yet wen i get home hate is at my front door

i can’t escape trust me i tried that

tough times will come and that’s a fact

 

-Tera Gurl

Forget about tomorrow

Can’t stop the pain cause the pain won’t stop
It hurt so bad and in more than one spot
I wonder when I cry do people hear me
Probably not cuz I cry alone so they don’t know but just let me be
It’s like my goal is inches away but I continue to walk miles
However will I make it how long do i have to fake smiles
Can’t stop this pain cuz it’s do or die
And you can’t find happiness cuz it’s probably a lie
I hide out today cry tomorrow
I just pray that God’s grace will follow
I try to run but it’s in front of my face
I gotta move faster get a more efficient pace
They tell you wait but instead you go
They tell you stop but the pain is in control
I can I fix it? what prayer can I say
I am ready to say it now I will say it everyday
Can’t stop this pain cuz it’s in control
It consumes you from your head and all the way to your toes
If I quit today would it matter tomorrow
I want to give up now and forget about tomorrow

 

Times get tough and we may feel like this, everything is a wave, things will come and go

 

Tera Gurl

Look at her Fight

This one can be little depressing but hey, some days, weeks, months, and even years can be like this. God Bless.

Look at her fight she is never going to win
Look at her fight those wounds have no chance to mend
Look at her fight circle in circle out
Look at her fight she is not even sure what her life is about
Look at her fight the pain will get her in the end
Look at her fight it’s like her world is on a constant spin
Look at her fight she cries tears that touch her soul
Look at her fight there is no way she can carry that load
Look at her fight all she wants is a break
Look at her fight her whole spirit it will take
Look at her fight why must she try so hard
Look at her fight she uses her smile as a guard
Look at her fight they say they do but they really don’t know
Look at her fight seems like she will never reach her goals
Just look at her fight

Tera Gurl

Tera

Trust in God, AA Version

Trust in God, AA version
Don’t spend your time trying to be perfect, you will fail everytime
And even though I know this, perfection is always on my mind
I stand in the corner and wait for relief
The pain is so deep and even though I told her she stands there in disbelief
Now how can we fix this? Oh yes pray to God
It feels like my problems are beating me with a rod
When urges are high and faith is low
You won’t believe how far this disease will go
How can I conquer it when it calls my name
It doesn’t matter it will come out sunshine or rain
Follow the program and work the steps
Pray to God and ask him the best way to get you out of yourself
No one can save me if I don’t want to be saved
They during a moment of clarity I found my journey is paved
God won’t fail me so I just focus on that
I have come this far and I can’t turn back
Don’t pick up a drink so I won’t get drunk
Just stop for a second to look at all the tools in ur trunk
How can this take place with such little faith
Yes it will hurt that is just the way it is
Just keep down the right path and you will find your reason to live
When you fall just get backup
The devil is busy so don’t let him interrupt
Make me better Lord so I can better serve You
Keep me sane Lord even if its just enough to make it through
As I drop to my knees I say the Serenity Prayer
Its one day at a time even when the days don’t seem fair

Tera Gurl