Yes I cried

I cried last night
it seemed like a good idea
let go of some pain and fear
I cried last night just like they knew I would
I couldn’t form words so i just hide under my hood
I cried last night but like never before
it’s like I already lost the battle and now i’m gonna lose the war
Shape my heart into pieces so that it better serves me
And let my soul move mountains so it can rest in peace
Pain comes to every one so i’m not unique
I cried last night and I could hardly speak
Save me Jesus save me from myself
I cried last night because I had had enough

 

-Tera Gurl!img_3034

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I Grabbed the Pole
I grabbed the pole, the pole of hope
I couldn’t before because there was too much blockage in my soul
Depression was high and self esteem was low
I tried so hard but my spirit was weak
It was still focused on when times were bleak
Help me Lord and guide my steps
Time, time time heals all but please excuse my wrecks
Bless my feet so they walk the right path
Let me complete my tasks not just half
I want that pole… that pole of hope
Don’t let me lose it on that slippery slope
Now times are hard but eyes are wide
The pole of hope goes along on the ride
Hold on tight cuz the ride can be rough
Hold onto that pole and forget about the other stuff

 

-TeraGurl

Yes You Matter

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You matter baby yes you do

And all of your problems, yes you will get through

It may not seem like it here and there

And troubles keep coming from out of no where

How can we fight what we can’t see

Its the faith in God and an inner plea

Don’t you stop fighting because its not over yet

Yes you matter baby and don’t you forget

People so negative and problems so real

How do we ever get break and a chance to heal

Thoughts control us and bring us low

Its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel glow

Yes you matter baby and I want you to know

Sometimes you simply can’t just go with the flow

The times are tough and no one knows your fight

Just don’t give up now, peace may come tonight

As I fall to my knees I cry out for mercy and relief

And while Im at it I will beg for peace

It takes everything in me to go on with the fight

Then I look in the mirror and certain statements come to light

You matter baby so step up to the plate

Real life is on the horizon, we don’t want to be late.

I think of what she told me that one dark night

You matter baby and I want to believe she is right

Dedicated to A!!!

I fight everyday to be at a place where I see growth, peace, mercy and quality of life. I am not completely here yet, but Im sure someone could use these words for their daily fight. We have to encourage one another and keep going strong on the road to hope. I will pray for you tonight and I hope you will do the same for me.

  • Peace and Blessings to all

Tera Gurl

 

 

 

 

 

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Match

It struck my match, let it burn then blew it out

Can not say much about what this life is all about

Match was on fire and it didn’t last too long

And the match cannot be lit again so it won’t grow strong

It started a fire but then they threw water to calm the flames

How can you start counting down your own living days

I wish I had a match to bring the fire back into my life

To burn up all the emotions that are causing so much strife

Burn up my pain and make sure it doesn’t come back

Light up my distress so it won’t come and attack

I thought I learned my lesson on what is appropriate to do

I can’t see through the flames so I can’t see you

Can’t you see me fighting, I always fight the flame

Pain comes so easily it even knows my name

How can my fire die inside and give me no chance to grow

Keep myself together so I won’t steep so low

 

Tera Gurl

Okay

I am okay today, I love to see sun

II hope I smile all the way till the day is done

Some things are not easy you have to fight

But I sure hope I get some lava cake tonight

Im gonna write it down, I must take notes

“No life is perfect” and thats a direct quote

Cant worry about tomorrow, since today is not done

Unconditional love is a very special one

-Tera Gurl

Surprised by the end

They want me to walk but I can barely stand

I am overwhelmed with all the care that my brain demands

How can I run when I can barely crawl

Its the negative part of my brain that wants me to fall

I try to do what they tell me but sometimes I come up short

I don’t understand why this is so hard when I have unlimited love and support

I worry my mom she does so much

But this road is hard and life might be too much

If I shed one tear the flood won’t stop

And the pain won’t stop because I am not a rock

Why live another day when today was so rough

They want you to survive because they wanna see the old you so much

When you look in the mirror only hate stares back

And you can’t even focus because your brain is off the map

I hate tomorrow because it might never come

No matter if i crawl, walk, skip or run

No matter what I do just one mistake and Im doomed

Its my brain thats the problem because thats where the evil looms

My heart is heavy cuz my brain controls the flow

Every time I wake up the ANTS(automatic negative thoughts) are ready to go

I don’t know why I hate myself so much

Probably when I was growing up I never felt like I was enough

No one ever said that to me I made it up myself

I need another brain this one is clogging my health

Never again will I do this again

So when I leave this earth no one will be surprised about my end

-Tera Gurl

 

 

Must stand

Started on my arm then moved to my thigh

If feels like something I need just to get by

The pain is real and the blood is too

But it’s the best part about it more than just a rule

When the skirt is short they can see the scars

Then this discovery separates us more than stars

They ask me why I hurt myself and I reply that I must

And no matter the reason nothing can replace the tough

Maybe God can understand after all he made me this way

I am my own worst enemy day by day

Some days are harder than others so I must ask for help

The pain hurts so good I think I should handle it myself

Pray for forgiveness  understanding and patience too

In the end Shatera the best thing is to love you

The urges the triggers and addiction is bad

How can something that makes me so happy make me so sad

One day I will find the answer and I will lend a helping hand

And this is for all the ones who thought that alone is how they must stand

-Tera Gurl

Can’t care about yesterday

yesterday was wack today was crap and tomorrow is ugly

sadness is one thing that is starting to tug me

How can I find hope when I never dream

Waking up and getting out the bed each morning is harder than it seems

My brain is on fire my mind is in trouble

Even these things occur my negative thoughts start to double

I cry in the car and in my bed

But I smile in their face and keep the pain in my head

Can God really save me, if so he should do it now

We all have to go one day anyhow

Life knocked me down but I got back up

however this time may just be too tough

I’m really getting tired and I can see the signs

I want to have hope that joy happiness and blessings will be mine

Look to the left look to the right

I fight so hard just to make it thru the night

-Tera Gurl

Worth it

how can I fly when I have lost my wings

it’s so easy to hurt myself with knives, alcohol or other things

times get so hard and emotions are high

it seems like forever for a painful day to go by

the waves are powerful and I’m not that strong

why live this life when things will always go wrong

Stop and pay attention and ask yourself if it’s worth it

I’ve thought long and hard and I still don’t know the answer to it

-Tera Gurl