Too Much in a day!

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Missing in action yet I stand in the same spot
You are stronger than you think or have you forgot
I need time to process and save myself from myself
These decisions I’m making are not good for my health
It hurts to hurt do I really understand that
Those days of abstinence can never come back
Am I ready for change and to put in the work
Failure looms over my back and continues to lurk
How much can i take how far can i go
Too many things happing all at once
Surviving is questionable
As I take time to pray am i doing it right
I am talking to Jesus you can not, not do that right
I feel the pain in my chest and the pain in my leg
It’s all my fault and i punish me with a blade
Oh the blade the blade it’s what I love to hate
It brings me to my knees and gives my sanity a shake
Please stop this pain train because it won’t stop itself
You’ve been doing so good don’t be afraid to reach out for help
Peace and happiness, strive for that
And make sure you don’t put the weight of the world on your back
Come , it’s time to lay down your burdens
Just think of all the positive skills you are learning
Am I going to fight for life maybe so maybe not
The special time will come and then all you have to do is connect the dots
Negative thoughts will come and go
Negative behaviors, not easy, but can be controlled
I stopped the insanity more than once and I bet i can do it again
Focus, pray and work hard and maybe just maybe I can win
With faith low and despair high
Just try not to take it out on your thigh
Comfort may not come right away
It just important to take it day by day
It’s okay to cry when times get tough
This thing called life and be really rough
Even though I have a plan I can’t really say
But I will try to treat myself better each day

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Forever

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We walk hand and hand now and forever

I can’t get away because its got me forever

It hurts for me to talk about but that won’t be forever

It keeps me from peace and I hope thats not forever

I struggle against it and that is forever

It has met my mother and I will remember that forever

It got me locked up and it seemed like forever

I pop the pills to control it and that is forever

Forever together and never apart so together forever

My number one enemy and  that will last forever

Will it follow me to heaven, mane I hope thats not forever

I call it Bipolar and it will answer forever

I wish I could get rid of it but I can’t we are chained together forever

God please save me from forever

I can not take this forever

Stuck in a hole, but I don’t want to be there for forever

So I grab Gods unchanging hands forever

I will not let it control me and one day I will turn forever into never

-Tera Gurl

Standing in One Spot

Im standing in one spot because I can not stand to move

I walk into the room and then I have issues

I really don’t want to be here but what else can I do

They say these walls will help me but I have to be dedicated too

Have you ever felt unmotivated so you feel so lazy in a day

And all you ever pray for is for God to make a way

How can I be helped and I can’t help myself

Why do they waste their time when my behavior is not the best

I pray for strength and mercy because what is left to do

Each day comes with its own problems and its hard not to be rude

If I were to quit would anyone care

If I were to stop would destruction and defeat become a pair

Im unsure of all these answers so I struggle every day

When the new day comes I pray for victory as I lay

Yes I cried

I cried last night
it seemed like a good idea
let go of some pain and fear
I cried last night just like they knew I would
I couldn’t form words so i just hide under my hood
I cried last night but like never before
it’s like I already lost the battle and now i’m gonna lose the war
Shape my heart into pieces so that it better serves me
And let my soul move mountains so it can rest in peace
Pain comes to every one so i’m not unique
I cried last night and I could hardly speak
Save me Jesus save me from myself
I cried last night because I had had enough

 

-Tera Gurl!img_3034

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I Grabbed the Pole
I grabbed the pole, the pole of hope
I couldn’t before because there was too much blockage in my soul
Depression was high and self esteem was low
I tried so hard but my spirit was weak
It was still focused on when times were bleak
Help me Lord and guide my steps
Time, time time heals all but please excuse my wrecks
Bless my feet so they walk the right path
Let me complete my tasks not just half
I want that pole… that pole of hope
Don’t let me lose it on that slippery slope
Now times are hard but eyes are wide
The pole of hope goes along on the ride
Hold on tight cuz the ride can be rough
Hold onto that pole and forget about the other stuff

 

-TeraGurl

Yes You Matter

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You matter baby yes you do

And all of your problems, yes you will get through

It may not seem like it here and there

And troubles keep coming from out of no where

How can we fight what we can’t see

Its the faith in God and an inner plea

Don’t you stop fighting because its not over yet

Yes you matter baby and don’t you forget

People so negative and problems so real

How do we ever get break and a chance to heal

Thoughts control us and bring us low

Its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel glow

Yes you matter baby and I want you to know

Sometimes you simply can’t just go with the flow

The times are tough and no one knows your fight

Just don’t give up now, peace may come tonight

As I fall to my knees I cry out for mercy and relief

And while Im at it I will beg for peace

It takes everything in me to go on with the fight

Then I look in the mirror and certain statements come to light

You matter baby so step up to the plate

Real life is on the horizon, we don’t want to be late.

I think of what she told me that one dark night

You matter baby and I want to believe she is right

Dedicated to A!!!

I fight everyday to be at a place where I see growth, peace, mercy and quality of life. I am not completely here yet, but Im sure someone could use these words for their daily fight. We have to encourage one another and keep going strong on the road to hope. I will pray for you tonight and I hope you will do the same for me.

  • Peace and Blessings to all

Tera Gurl

 

 

 

 

 

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Match

It struck my match, let it burn then blew it out

Can not say much about what this life is all about

Match was on fire and it didn’t last too long

And the match cannot be lit again so it won’t grow strong

It started a fire but then they threw water to calm the flames

How can you start counting down your own living days

I wish I had a match to bring the fire back into my life

To burn up all the emotions that are causing so much strife

Burn up my pain and make sure it doesn’t come back

Light up my distress so it won’t come and attack

I thought I learned my lesson on what is appropriate to do

I can’t see through the flames so I can’t see you

Can’t you see me fighting, I always fight the flame

Pain comes so easily it even knows my name

How can my fire die inside and give me no chance to grow

Keep myself together so I won’t steep so low

 

Tera Gurl

Okay

I am okay today, I love to see sun

II hope I smile all the way till the day is done

Some things are not easy you have to fight

But I sure hope I get some lava cake tonight

Im gonna write it down, I must take notes

“No life is perfect” and thats a direct quote

Cant worry about tomorrow, since today is not done

Unconditional love is a very special one

-Tera Gurl