Loss and Change

I felt the loss of the change and the change seemed like a loss

Its only by fate that our paths will cross.

Why count your blessings there is just no point

God has all the power down to the soul, body and joint

How can I trust him when I just can’t win

Wanted so badly to stand out but now all I want to do is blend in

I asked God to change me because I don’t like who I am

My mother asked me “Why I don’t like myself when God made me in the image of Hm?”

One day Im fine then the next day Im not

Its like I want all my progress now, right here on the spot

I lose a piece of myself with every cut

I have my answer ready yet there is always a “but”

Change means pain and pain means blame

Is it really worth it or should everything stay the same

Come out of the closet and stand up to the past

And when people ask who you are take off the mask

I can’t control it the loss is real

Sometimes I don’tt want to but everyday I feel

Have I lost Shatera or is she just getting well

What if I don’t like the parts of her that will dwell

Bring all the parts of you and also bring the shame

When God gets done you will be different but they will call you the same name

They say have patience these things take time

How can I stand to wait when loss and change are always on my mind

Somethings I will lose and somethings I will gain

Somethings will hurt me because I don’t want them to change

How can I grow how can I fly if I carry this baggage with me till I die

Come to terms and make a promise to yourself

When it presents itself take all the help

Let God lead your life and do his will

Even with the loss and change don’t let the negativity cup over fill

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Pain knows my name

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When they ask you how ur doing and you say that you’re quite alryt
You don’t want to lie but you don’t want to pay the price
People will look at you different and tell you your brain is not set up right
So if you disclose your current status
and get judged all the same
There must be no option because peace has not called your name
So I stand here in the darkness and pray for better days
All the others will talk in circles about how crazy I am and how i’ve come such a long way
They expect u to be different so they treat u differently
And all the while you suffer and question what life really means
If i move a little faster maybe I can out run the pain
But sometimes it makes no sense because of course pain knows my name

 

-TeraGurl

 

 

Too Much in a day!

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Missing in action yet I stand in the same spot
You are stronger than you think or have you forgot
I need time to process and save myself from myself
These decisions I’m making are not good for my health
It hurts to hurt do I really understand that
Those days of abstinence can never come back
Am I ready for change and to put in the work
Failure looms over my back and continues to lurk
How much can i take how far can i go
Too many things happing all at once
Surviving is questionable
As I take time to pray am i doing it right
I am talking to Jesus you can not, not do that right
I feel the pain in my chest and the pain in my leg
It’s all my fault and i punish me with a blade
Oh the blade the blade it’s what I love to hate
It brings me to my knees and gives my sanity a shake
Please stop this pain train because it won’t stop itself
You’ve been doing so good don’t be afraid to reach out for help
Peace and happiness, strive for that
And make sure you don’t put the weight of the world on your back
Come , it’s time to lay down your burdens
Just think of all the positive skills you are learning
Am I going to fight for life maybe so maybe not
The special time will come and then all you have to do is connect the dots
Negative thoughts will come and go
Negative behaviors, not easy, but can be controlled
I stopped the insanity more than once and I bet i can do it again
Focus, pray and work hard and maybe just maybe I can win
With faith low and despair high
Just try not to take it out on your thigh
Comfort may not come right away
It just important to take it day by day
It’s okay to cry when times get tough
This thing called life and be really rough
Even though I have a plan I can’t really say
But I will try to treat myself better each day

Forever

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We walk hand and hand now and forever

I can’t get away because its got me forever

It hurts for me to talk about but that won’t be forever

It keeps me from peace and I hope thats not forever

I struggle against it and that is forever

It has met my mother and I will remember that forever

It got me locked up and it seemed like forever

I pop the pills to control it and that is forever

Forever together and never apart so together forever

My number one enemy and  that will last forever

Will it follow me to heaven, mane I hope thats not forever

I call it Bipolar and it will answer forever

I wish I could get rid of it but I can’t we are chained together forever

God please save me from forever

I can not take this forever

Stuck in a hole, but I don’t want to be there for forever

So I grab Gods unchanging hands forever

I will not let it control me and one day I will turn forever into never

-Tera Gurl

Standing in One Spot

Im standing in one spot because I can not stand to move

I walk into the room and then I have issues

I really don’t want to be here but what else can I do

They say these walls will help me but I have to be dedicated too

Have you ever felt unmotivated so you feel so lazy in a day

And all you ever pray for is for God to make a way

How can I be helped and I can’t help myself

Why do they waste their time when my behavior is not the best

I pray for strength and mercy because what is left to do

Each day comes with its own problems and its hard not to be rude

If I were to quit would anyone care

If I were to stop would destruction and defeat become a pair

Im unsure of all these answers so I struggle every day

When the new day comes I pray for victory as I lay

Yes I cried

I cried last night
it seemed like a good idea
let go of some pain and fear
I cried last night just like they knew I would
I couldn’t form words so i just hide under my hood
I cried last night but like never before
it’s like I already lost the battle and now i’m gonna lose the war
Shape my heart into pieces so that it better serves me
And let my soul move mountains so it can rest in peace
Pain comes to every one so i’m not unique
I cried last night and I could hardly speak
Save me Jesus save me from myself
I cried last night because I had had enough

 

-Tera Gurl!img_3034

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I Grabbed the Pole
I grabbed the pole, the pole of hope
I couldn’t before because there was too much blockage in my soul
Depression was high and self esteem was low
I tried so hard but my spirit was weak
It was still focused on when times were bleak
Help me Lord and guide my steps
Time, time time heals all but please excuse my wrecks
Bless my feet so they walk the right path
Let me complete my tasks not just half
I want that pole… that pole of hope
Don’t let me lose it on that slippery slope
Now times are hard but eyes are wide
The pole of hope goes along on the ride
Hold on tight cuz the ride can be rough
Hold onto that pole and forget about the other stuff

 

-TeraGurl

Yes You Matter

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You matter baby yes you do

And all of your problems, yes you will get through

It may not seem like it here and there

And troubles keep coming from out of no where

How can we fight what we can’t see

Its the faith in God and an inner plea

Don’t you stop fighting because its not over yet

Yes you matter baby and don’t you forget

People so negative and problems so real

How do we ever get break and a chance to heal

Thoughts control us and bring us low

Its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel glow

Yes you matter baby and I want you to know

Sometimes you simply can’t just go with the flow

The times are tough and no one knows your fight

Just don’t give up now, peace may come tonight

As I fall to my knees I cry out for mercy and relief

And while Im at it I will beg for peace

It takes everything in me to go on with the fight

Then I look in the mirror and certain statements come to light

You matter baby so step up to the plate

Real life is on the horizon, we don’t want to be late.

I think of what she told me that one dark night

You matter baby and I want to believe she is right

Dedicated to A!!!

I fight everyday to be at a place where I see growth, peace, mercy and quality of life. I am not completely here yet, but Im sure someone could use these words for their daily fight. We have to encourage one another and keep going strong on the road to hope. I will pray for you tonight and I hope you will do the same for me.

  • Peace and Blessings to all

Tera Gurl