Tough Times

tough times will come and that’s a fact

yet the answer is how we live how we react

patience lingers then completely disappears

because we all want satisfaction so how can we get it, my dear

the cold water froze my heart then death lit a match

so all around me is pain hurt n anger all in a wrap

come close to my soul and make it brand new

because all these actions will only take me back to pain, misery n frustration just to name a few

can i forgive myself when i hurt so much

i do it to myself and make damaging decisions because time is in a crunch

i tested my luck and guess what it failed

i can’t even begin to state all it entails

i can try to forgive me but this thing won’t quit

i say i won’t do it again but that’s a load of shit

maintaining sanity is close to impossible

i wear the mask around others but that’s not reliable

“what’s wrong shatera? you’re not laughing today”

that’s because i feel like trash wish i lived a better way but i don’t say that i smile and reassure, yet wen i get home hate is at my front door

i can’t escape trust me i tried that

tough times will come and that’s a fact

 

-Tera Gurl

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Forget about tomorrow

Can’t stop the pain cause the pain won’t stop
It hurt so bad and in more than one spot
I wonder when I cry do people hear me
Probably not cuz I cry alone so they don’t know but just let me be
It’s like my goal is inches away but I continue to walk miles
However will I make it how long do i have to fake smiles
Can’t stop this pain cuz it’s do or die
And you can’t find happiness cuz it’s probably a lie
I hide out today cry tomorrow
I just pray that God’s grace will follow
I try to run but it’s in front of my face
I gotta move faster get a more efficient pace
They tell you wait but instead you go
They tell you stop but the pain is in control
I can I fix it? what prayer can I say
I am ready to say it now I will say it everyday
Can’t stop this pain cuz it’s in control
It consumes you from your head and all the way to your toes
If I quit today would it matter tomorrow
I want to give up now and forget about tomorrow

 

Times get tough and we may feel like this, everything is a wave, things will come and go

 

Tera Gurl

Look at her Fight

This one can be little depressing but hey, some days, weeks, months, and even years can be like this. God Bless.

Look at her fight she is never going to win
Look at her fight those wounds have no chance to mend
Look at her fight circle in circle out
Look at her fight she is not even sure what her life is about
Look at her fight the pain will get her in the end
Look at her fight it’s like her world is on a constant spin
Look at her fight she cries tears that touch her soul
Look at her fight there is no way she can carry that load
Look at her fight all she wants is a break
Look at her fight her whole spirit it will take
Look at her fight why must she try so hard
Look at her fight she uses her smile as a guard
Look at her fight they say they do but they really don’t know
Look at her fight seems like she will never reach her goals
Just look at her fight

Tera Gurl

Tera

Trust in God, AA Version

Trust in God, AA version
Don’t spend your time trying to be perfect, you will fail everytime
And even though I know this, perfection is always on my mind
I stand in the corner and wait for relief
The pain is so deep and even though I told her she stands there in disbelief
Now how can we fix this? Oh yes pray to God
It feels like my problems are beating me with a rod
When urges are high and faith is low
You won’t believe how far this disease will go
How can I conquer it when it calls my name
It doesn’t matter it will come out sunshine or rain
Follow the program and work the steps
Pray to God and ask him the best way to get you out of yourself
No one can save me if I don’t want to be saved
They during a moment of clarity I found my journey is paved
God won’t fail me so I just focus on that
I have come this far and I can’t turn back
Don’t pick up a drink so I won’t get drunk
Just stop for a second to look at all the tools in ur trunk
How can this take place with such little faith
Yes it will hurt that is just the way it is
Just keep down the right path and you will find your reason to live
When you fall just get backup
The devil is busy so don’t let him interrupt
Make me better Lord so I can better serve You
Keep me sane Lord even if its just enough to make it through
As I drop to my knees I say the Serenity Prayer
Its one day at a time even when the days don’t seem fair

Tera Gurl

Loss and Change

I felt the loss of the change and the change seemed like a loss

Its only by fate that our paths will cross.

Why count your blessings there is just no point

God has all the power down to the soul, body and joint

How can I trust him when I just can’t win

Wanted so badly to stand out but now all I want to do is blend in

I asked God to change me because I don’t like who I am

My mother asked me “Why I don’t like myself when God made me in the image of Hm?”

One day Im fine then the next day Im not

Its like I want all my progress now, right here on the spot

I lose a piece of myself with every cut

I have my answer ready yet there is always a “but”

Change means pain and pain means blame

Is it really worth it or should everything stay the same

Come out of the closet and stand up to the past

And when people ask who you are take off the mask

I can’t control it the loss is real

Sometimes I don’tt want to but everyday I feel

Have I lost Shatera or is she just getting well

What if I don’t like the parts of her that will dwell

Bring all the parts of you and also bring the shame

When God gets done you will be different but they will call you the same name

They say have patience these things take time

How can I stand to wait when loss and change are always on my mind

Somethings I will lose and somethings I will gain

Somethings will hurt me because I don’t want them to change

How can I grow how can I fly if I carry this baggage with me till I die

Come to terms and make a promise to yourself

When it presents itself take all the help

Let God lead your life and do his will

Even with the loss and change don’t let the negativity cup over fill

Pain knows my name

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When they ask you how ur doing and you say that you’re quite alryt
You don’t want to lie but you don’t want to pay the price
People will look at you different and tell you your brain is not set up right
So if you disclose your current status
and get judged all the same
There must be no option because peace has not called your name
So I stand here in the darkness and pray for better days
All the others will talk in circles about how crazy I am and how i’ve come such a long way
They expect u to be different so they treat u differently
And all the while you suffer and question what life really means
If i move a little faster maybe I can out run the pain
But sometimes it makes no sense because of course pain knows my name

 

-TeraGurl

 

 

Too Much in a day!

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Missing in action yet I stand in the same spot
You are stronger than you think or have you forgot
I need time to process and save myself from myself
These decisions I’m making are not good for my health
It hurts to hurt do I really understand that
Those days of abstinence can never come back
Am I ready for change and to put in the work
Failure looms over my back and continues to lurk
How much can i take how far can i go
Too many things happing all at once
Surviving is questionable
As I take time to pray am i doing it right
I am talking to Jesus you can not, not do that right
I feel the pain in my chest and the pain in my leg
It’s all my fault and i punish me with a blade
Oh the blade the blade it’s what I love to hate
It brings me to my knees and gives my sanity a shake
Please stop this pain train because it won’t stop itself
You’ve been doing so good don’t be afraid to reach out for help
Peace and happiness, strive for that
And make sure you don’t put the weight of the world on your back
Come , it’s time to lay down your burdens
Just think of all the positive skills you are learning
Am I going to fight for life maybe so maybe not
The special time will come and then all you have to do is connect the dots
Negative thoughts will come and go
Negative behaviors, not easy, but can be controlled
I stopped the insanity more than once and I bet i can do it again
Focus, pray and work hard and maybe just maybe I can win
With faith low and despair high
Just try not to take it out on your thigh
Comfort may not come right away
It just important to take it day by day
It’s okay to cry when times get tough
This thing called life and be really rough
Even though I have a plan I can’t really say
But I will try to treat myself better each day

Forever

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We walk hand and hand now and forever

I can’t get away because its got me forever

It hurts for me to talk about but that won’t be forever

It keeps me from peace and I hope thats not forever

I struggle against it and that is forever

It has met my mother and I will remember that forever

It got me locked up and it seemed like forever

I pop the pills to control it and that is forever

Forever together and never apart so together forever

My number one enemy and  that will last forever

Will it follow me to heaven, mane I hope thats not forever

I call it Bipolar and it will answer forever

I wish I could get rid of it but I can’t we are chained together forever

God please save me from forever

I can not take this forever

Stuck in a hole, but I don’t want to be there for forever

So I grab Gods unchanging hands forever

I will not let it control me and one day I will turn forever into never

-Tera Gurl

Standing in One Spot

Im standing in one spot because I can not stand to move

I walk into the room and then I have issues

I really don’t want to be here but what else can I do

They say these walls will help me but I have to be dedicated too

Have you ever felt unmotivated so you feel so lazy in a day

And all you ever pray for is for God to make a way

How can I be helped and I can’t help myself

Why do they waste their time when my behavior is not the best

I pray for strength and mercy because what is left to do

Each day comes with its own problems and its hard not to be rude

If I were to quit would anyone care

If I were to stop would destruction and defeat become a pair

Im unsure of all these answers so I struggle every day

When the new day comes I pray for victory as I lay